Friday, January 16, 2004
one piece of advice to all. if u are feeling really tired from working and just wanna dive into bed and sleep, NEVER NEVER EVER drink Milo before that. and i seriously think there's soemthing wrong with me these days cos i have been sleeping really little... or rather i have been waking up rather early to be normal. the normal me wakes up only after 11 without an alarm but nowadays i wake up at like 8 or 9 without an alarm.. must be work... screwing me up.
anyway something Nyd said yest just struck me. she said something like wishing she had my attitute towards guys. and i just go hmmm... so wats my attitute towards guys... actually i have never really tot of this till now, but i guess everyone's having the impression that i hate guys or simply not being too bothered abt them since the only guys i talk abt almost literally doesnt exist, in my world that is(ie.
andy markie and
kimi! oh the cuties! haha!) and the only real crush they know about is a really ancient one... THAT one. and i suppose it doesnt help that i always slam guys and get into another of those
i-hate-guys phrase
i dun exactly hate guys nor am i lesbain. i just hate guys when they are really shallow and superficial and have a really really really awful taste. doesnt help that they are dumb and can act like total idiot(did i just say that i
dun hate guys?) i just dun think of guys romantically u know. i cant see how people can get together just cos one knew that the other person like him or her( i've known of such cases) or just because someone is pretty or handsome or watsoever and i just cant do that cos obviously it will be unfair to the other person and how can u get together with someone u dun like.
i kinda came to a conclusion that i'm incapable of allowing myself to be liked by someone else, not even by someone i fancy. i recently read a true life love story where the couple, from a wee age of twelve knew they were going to marry each other the moment they laid their eyes on each other across the corridor. neither of them dated anyone else and they only got together like a few years later... now they are happily married. this is the sweetest thing i've even read and just perhaps i am waiting for something like this to happen, or perhaps i just wanna live my life alone.
pardon my paradoxical way of thinking, when i had just said that i dun see how people can get together just like *snaps finger* that and here i am dreaming of a fairytale.
i dunno. but right now i just dun see the point of a relationship when i can do anything i want with my life without commiting to anything or anyone. its not about giving the other person a chance. i believe that if its meant to be it will happen. sure sometimes u have to work for wat u want, but u have to be sure that wat ur going after is worth ur effort. and no one is worth me fighting over or giving up my life right now, which may explain, as tar puts it my not being "subservient" to any guy in my friendster testimonial.
well its not plain coincidental that i scored a 0% on the test below!
found a pot of gold@ 06:48
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"One Art"
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
So many things seem filled with the intent
To be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost keys, the hour badlly spent
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owne, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
-Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
-Elizabeth Bishop
